Gentle Mindful Breathing to Cultivate Inner Peace
Self care does not have to be complicated or time-consuming.
It’s been a time of much heartbreak, pain and grief globally over the last few weeks.
Join me for a few minutes to drop into stillness and connect with your breath. It is my intention that these practices allow you to cultivate a sense of inner peace.
Mental Health & Inflammatory Bowel Disease | Presentation and Guided Yoga & Meditation
I was recently invited by Crohn’s and Colitis Canada to present on mental health and wellness for young adults affected by Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD).
Watch below to learn self-care tips, be guided through mental health practices and experience the mind-body connection.
Mental Health and Self-Care for Cancer Advocates
Each of us becomes involved in cancer advocacy because we are deeply personally affected by the devastating impact of cancer.
How can we do our work effectively, while simultaneously caring for ourselves as we navigate triggers and intense emotions?
This workshop offers a variety of tips and tools to support ourselves and one another’s self-care and mental health. It includes education on trauma and the nervous system, gentle yoga, mindful breathing, journaling and group discussion on themes explored.
This workshop was presented at the Health EMatters Conference for cancer advocates, held October 27-29th 2022 in Toronto, Canada.
Each of us becomes involved in cancer advocacy because we are deeply personally affected by the devastating impact of cancer.
How can we do our work effectively, while simultaneously caring for ourselves as we navigate triggers and intense emotions?
This workshop offers a variety of tips and tools to support ourselves and one another’s self-care and mental health. It includes education on trauma and the nervous system, gentle yoga, mindful breathing, journaling and group discussion on themes explored.
This workshop was presented at the Health EMatters Conference for cancer advocates, held October 27-29th 2022 in Toronto, Canada.
Chronic Illness and Mental Health: Breaking the Vicious Cycle
When we face a chronic illness, it does not just affect the specific body part in isolation.
Oftentimes, we face a myriad of physical, mental, emotional and social challenges, and our Western healthcare system lacks the resources to guide us through this challenging time.
This is why it is so important for us to educate ourselves and learn how to break the vicious cycle, feeling empowered in our own care.
In this presentation, I outline my personal story and share tools and resources to help you navigate your way to health and wellness.
Thank you for listening, and I would love to hear from you!
Moving Beyond the Patient Identity: My Journey with Chronic & Mental Health Challenges
I had the opportunity recently to speak with medical professionals across Canada about what it is like to live with a chronic illness, specifically Inflammatory Bowel Disease. I began facing serious health crises when I was a young child, and they continued in different forms throughout my teens and twenties. Throughout this time, I have greatly struggled not only with painful symptoms and sometimes even more painful treatments - but also the emotional, mental and spiritual toll of living as a patient.
I am on an ongoing journey to heal these wounds and grow out of my former identity as a passive victim of circumstances. Here is my message for healthcare providers and patients alike, to become allies and empowered in our own care.
Resilience and Self-Advocacy for Patients with Chronic Illness
This is a presentation I gave at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto at an educational event which provides peer support for individuals with Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis.
I speak about the emotional dimensions of chronic illness, and IBD in particular, which are often overlooked when medical care is considered and can greatly interfere with our inner resilience. After delving into the psychological issues often faced by patients, I provide tools and techniques to increase resilience in the face of these obstacles. I then go on to give some tips that have helped me advocate for myself and other patients within the healthcare system.
The Loneliness Generation: A Spiritual Crisis
I have two potentially uncomfortable questions for you:
Are you lonely?
Did this feeling of loneliness begin with the COVID-19 epidemic?
If you answered 1) yes and 2) no, you are not alone. Researchers have long known that loneliness is growing in society, particular among the millennial generation, which I am certainly a member of. In fact, those of us between 24-35 years of age have been deemed “the loneliness generation” according to statistics from the U.S. and around the world. Loneliness isn’t the only unfortunate trend that was already increasing among all segments of society prior to the epidemic. As we came ‘roaring’ into the 2020’s, rates of mental illness, chronic illness, addictions, burnout, deaths of despair and suicide have been growing.
You may think that grouping loneliness with these more dire conditions seems unreasonable, but loneliness is incredibly detrimental for us both mentally and physically - never mind the fact that it is incredibly painful.
Despite this stark reality, I wonder how many of us are ‘diagnosed’ with loneliness as a cause or symptom of our distress when we go for doctor’s check-ups. The truth is that loneliness can manifest as depression, or even inflammation, but does not often get addressed within our current Western model of healthcare. This is changing: doctors in Britain have begun prescribing social interactions for their patients, and my hope is that this wonderful trend spreads as we continue to talk openly and address these massive issues facing us in our current global society.
But it still doesn’t get to the root issue: why are we so damn lonely?
Well, experts of different fields have their own explanations for why us millennials are the “loneliness and burnout generation”, and these causes are attributed to various systemic issues facing society, from economics to technology. They analyze statistics and come up with various findings, which all contain elements of truth and reveal part of the picture. However, largely these academic findings are based in an old paradigm where the mind and body are separated, and spirit has been surgically removed from the conversation.
Loneliness is a manifestation of our spiritual crisis.
What seems to be at the heart of the loneliness and mental health epidemic in my opinion is a crisis of the spirit, which has manifested in a number of societal and personal ills. What I mean by spirituality is the quest for meaning beyond our material desires. The spiritual crisis stems from the fact that for the last few hundred years, for various reasons, we have lost communities of like-minded individuals supporting one another and working together to grapple with both survival and the big and unanswerable questions of life:
Who am I?
What do I value?
What is this whole life thing?
What does it all mean, and how do I live a life of meaning?
In the vacuum of dedicated spiritual communities, our economic systems filled the void to become the basis for our ethics, values and purpose in life. When the pursuit of happiness through economic means is the only basis for what it means to live a good life, we pursue a life full of promise which always feels somewhat empty. In a world where God is dead, our insatiable desire to consume has crept in to become the central goal of our lives. So, here we are. A generation that is well aware that money does not buy happiness, but still living within an old paradigm, which preaches the gospel of consumerism:
Buy more, do more, be better, be more attractive, be younger, be fitter, be healthier, buy a car, buy a nicer car, be more productive, buy more, go on more vacations, look better, be happier, buy more, go out more, do more, look better, smile more for more pictures, get more plastic surgery, do more crunches, post more, be smarter, be happier, buy a house, buy a bigger house, get more followers, consume more, scroll more, buy more.
This is the invisible ethos of our culture, and we have spent our childhood, teenage years and young adulthood absorbing the message loud and clear. What does this have to do with loneliness? Well, the result of living by the values of serving our economic system is that if I need more, then I can justify taking from you. Despite what previous generations believed, we know that the world does not have infinite resources, In fact, we are pretty close to reaching the limit of the planet. In a world where resources are quickly dwindling, we have been taught that we must look out only for ourselves in order to survive. This scarcity and survival mentality exists throughout every modern society. If anything, it actually becomes more acute in communities that are higher in socio-economic status. The more you have, the more you feel you need - at the expense of your neighbours.
We all want to do incredible things and have our parents and community feel proud of our achievements. Many of our grandparents and parents worked incredibly hard to provide us with opportunities, and there may be a sense of guilt and obligation to prove our sense of worth to ourselves and others. But in pursuit of these material or status-driven goals (often in the absence of others goals) we begin to see others as either superior or inferior to us, based on whatever factors we use to determine success. We are constantly judging others, and assume they are judging us too. In this hyper competitive and superficial atmosphere, we are completely alone.
So we work hard to prove our worth. But many of us don’t feel worthy at all, and these feelings of unworthiness manifest in deep loneliness and isolation. We want to belong and feel connected, so we chase after the things that we believe will give us a sense of connection and meaning: get the job, get the house, get the pension - everything we have been taught to desire. We post about our beautiful lives on social media in order to prove to others that we are “making it”. We are trying to prove to others that we belong, but deep down, we aren’t so sure, and always feel that we are falling short. This is a lonely place to find yourself.
Herein lies the paradox: we could be around people all day, whether colleagues, family or friends, and yet still feel completely alone. It’s as though we are simply wearing one mask after another, not knowing who we truly are behind the performance of these various roles we play. Where is a place we can go to speak truthfully, discuss the big questions of life and understand ourselves and our values? Where can we truly be honest with ourselves and others without judgement? Without these spaces, we tend to experience this pervasive sense of loneliness that continues to naw at our souls.
Despite the grim picture I have just painted, I am very optimistic for the future of my generation and generations to come. It is when we face a crisis (hello 2020!) that we are forced to face the facts that the old paradigm is simply not working anymore. The new paradigm arising is one which includes the spiritual dimension and values each member of the human collective as inherently worthy, simply as they are.
Like most ills of the 21st century, loneliness cannot be alleviated through a prescription. We treat loneliness through authentic connection, and we can only truly connect with others when we have established a loving relationship with ourselves.
This is the true aim of all the work that I do as a holistic healer. Let’s create this space together.
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
The Necessity of Feeling Necessary: What I Learned in the Forest to Prepare Me for COVID-19
Humans don’t mind hardship. In fact, they thrive on it. What they mind is not feeling necessary. Modern life has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary. It’s time to change that - Sebastian Junger
Humans don’t mind hardship. In fact, they thrive on it. What they mind is not feeling necessary. Modern life has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary. It’s time to change that - Sebastian Junger
“I think I’m going to go out of town for a bit”, I vaguely told friends and family members at the beginning of October this past year. A day or so later, I sent a mass text message informing everyone I was in the airport on the way to a retreat in the forest. I would have no access to my phone or computer for the duration of my stay and would be gone for at least a month, most likely two or more. I left on a whim, and spent sixty days at this secluded location with a group of strangers from all walks of life.
We had all come to the same conclusion before arriving: there was something wrong and life simply could not resume until we figured out what it was. Surrounded by acres of tall pine trees, green vegetation and wildlife, we spent our time in reflection. Tasked with a series of writing assignments, we were instructed to write down the most traumatic events that have occurred in our lives. Our internal inquiry led us to write down in excruciating detail every shameful and difficult incident that we had locked deep in our memories. Once we had completed a writing assignment, we would read it out loud to one another in a group setting, and receive words of encouragement and support in return.
It is quite a curious situation to abruptly leave one’s life, responsibilities and loved ones to spend time with strangers sitting on the floor of a cabin dissecting painful things from your past. Quite frequently I would ask myself: what exactly was I doing?
Sixty days later, I turned back on my cell phone and headed to the airport to slip back into my life in Toronto. I returned home around the winter holidays and attended festivities trying to avoid questions about my seemingly mysterious adventure. It took some time to adjust back to society, and I assured my loved ones when they inquired that I had experienced something life changing. The truth was, I hadn’t yet quite processed the experience I had been through: what exactly had I just done?
🜁 ~ 🜂 ~ 🜃 ~🜄
As one can imagine, without any access to technology, work, or the usual distractions of modern life, I had a lot of time to ponder in the forest. I began to imagine us retreaters as members of a strange yet beautiful tribe. As we spent each day getting to the bare basics of life, we all became highly valued members of this tribe-like collective. Tribes have ceremonies and rituals, and ours was no different. It was becoming clear to me that each one of us was there to undergo an internal rite of passage, seeking to transition from the passivity of childhood to the power inherent in responsible adulthood.
Every culture has rites of passage, where a young man or woman takes on a challenge in order to become accepted as a full-fledged member of the tribe. From the modern Western perspective, many tribal rites of passage ceremonies seem unnecessary and cruel. Perhaps our modern world has been too arrogant and hasty in disposing of these traditions.
In our unique tribal structure in the forest, the rite of passage entailed us to dig to the depths of our souls and locate any past pain or hurt we had experienced. In revealing these stories to one another, we exposed a level of vulnerability that is quite rare. Through unearthing the most painful shards of glass from our spirits and tending to each other’s wounds, we faced our past hardships head-on. One at a time, we held space for one another, processed the pain, and gave ourselves the space to heal.
There don’t seem to be many places to do this type of deep internal work in modern society, where we are all constantly so busy and the first question someone asks when they meet another is “what do you do for a living?” Perhaps this is what compelled each of us put pause on our lives as we knew them and retreat inwards. We said no to a society increasingly consumed with status and success. We turned off our devices where we obsessively curate our happy and perfect lives on social media. This seemed to me to be a bit revolutionary.
Each person in a tribe is necessary. We all did the work and revealed our greatest vulnerabilities to one another. We all supported each other any way that we knew how: a smile, a word of praise, a shoulder to cry on. We knew each other on a deep level, while not knowing each other’s last names or much about what they did for a living. Asking someone “what do you do?” seemed irrelevant to the point of absurdity, much like asking someone about their political beliefs. Whether a CEO or on welfare, we were all there together sitting in a circle holding space for one another to just be.
I had asked many times over the course of the sixty day adventure what I was doing. I now understand that I was there to learn and teach this eternal truth: You. Are. Necessary. Once a member of the tribe internalized this message, we began to notice that we had the tools to face whatever challenges may arise in our lives back at home. We had simply forgotten how to access our own internal power supplies. Through expressing ourselves authentically and unearthing past shame we finally could move forward with confidence, dignity and strength.
🜁 ~ 🜂 ~ 🜃 ~🜄
As the year 2019 shaped up to be a year of massive internal transformation for me, 2020 seems to be a year of transformation on an Earth-wide scale. It doesn’t seem hyperbolic to state that we are living in a time of immense hardship and massive change. Each of us feels the weight of this pandemic beginning to crack at our society’s superficially glossy exterior. Wounds are forming; whether through sickness, lack of safety or financial loss. However, no matter our individual lineage, each of us comes from a line of ancestors who have survived unimaginable hardship. We have the strength and power to face this.
The world is our tribe now, and the connections we all share are undeniable from the microscopic level of the virus to the global economy we all take part in. Now that the Earth herself has forced this pause, it is an opportunity for us to return to the basics of life - much like what I did with my new friends in the forest not too long ago. It may be an opening for us to take the time to reflect on how to create a society that provides nurture, while also including rites of passage ceremonies of some kind that prepare us as adults to face hardship. Our previous lives of comfort did not adequately prepare us as members of a global community to band together and protect ourselves and our loved ones when the world grew to a halt.
It is through this sense of belonging to a tribe and learning to navigate through challenging rites of passage that we build skills of resilience and reconnect with the power and strength we inherited from our ancestors. And while it may be tempting to become nostalgic of the world before this pandemic, I wonder how many of us were truly joyful, peaceful and happy living in a life of comfort. The rising mental illness and addiction rates in affluent communities would suggest otherwise.
May we all go through our own process of initiation
May we unearth the parts of ourselves that life cannot flow through
May we find the power in ourselves to support others in facing hardship with strength and compassion
May we all work together to create a world where we all feel necessary
🜁 ~ 🜂 ~ 🜃 ~🜄
The Measurement of Life
Right at the cusp of a new decade, what are the values and goals of the globalized society in which we find ourselves in?
Status. Productivity. Wealth. Length of years alive on this Earth. Health, according to the measurements of experts.
It is time we take a very good look at the ways in which we measure a life well lived, because these messages are lethal.
The concept quality of life has caused a lot of chaos in my actual life and, if you are anything like me, probably yours too.
I will go further to state that I’ve come to believe there are no more dangerous words strung together these three: quality of life.
This may be surprising or confusing to you.
Let me explain:
Quality of life is a standard level of various domains in one’s life that consists of the expectations of an individual or society for a good life. These expectations are guided by the values, goals and socio-cultural context in which an individual lives.
The general idea is that you were born into a certain culture, and according to how well you align with the expectations that your particular society has determined as a ‘good life’, you will be deemed to have a high or low quality of life.
So if your personal values and goals are in perfect alignment with the society in which you grew up in, you are in luck! There is still a chance for your life to be measured as that of ‘high quality’. Unless, of course, you do not meet other social or economic standards, as set out and determined by professionals.
Why does this matter? What difference does it make?
It matters because a group of well-intentioned individuals have predetermined that due to external criteria you have no control over, you are fated to have a ‘low’ or ‘high’ quality of life. It matters because this type of messaging being drummed into our heads every day leads to immense suffering.
For, right at the cusp of a new decade, what are the values and goals of the globalized society in which we find ourselves in?
Status. Productivity. Wealth. Length of years alive on this Earth. Health, according to the measurements of experts.
It is time we take a very good look at the ways in which we measure a life well lived, because these messages are lethal.
Our society is currently experiencing a mental health epidemic. Rates of anxiety, depression, suicide, addiction and chronic illness are rapidly rising.
My students often believe that they are failing some arbitrary measurement that has lasted well beyond its due date. There is no way to succeed in a society that demands more, no matter how much one has. It is a rigged game and leads directly to mental health challenges.
Of course, measures related to quality of life are integral for many reasons. There are certainly some things humans require to exist on this Earth, such as food, water and shelter.
But how many of us have more than enough of these material resources, yet are quite literally dying of stress or loneliness?
It is of the utmost importance for us to rethink what we are teaching our children to be valued, and consider emphasizing attributes of kindness, compassion, connection and love.
We must stop measuring our worth according to a scientific scale that only tells a fraction of the story. We must stop telling ourselves these stories of victimization and comparing ourselves to one another in judgmental ways.
I have no resolutions for the new year. However, my intention is to be a small part of the envisioning of this new scale we create together. I hope to teach my students and clients how to create their own models of success, based on their unique values and needs. I believe that together we can transform ourselves individually and on a societal level from victims to survivors.
Our world and our lives depend on it.
What Every Patient Needs to Know ~ The Emotional Impact of Chronic Illness
A panel discussion with myself and fellow chronic illness advocates Rasheed Clarke and Jenna Rines.
In this clip I answer the following questions:
- Were mental health challenges something that you dealt with before you were diagnosed with inflammatory bowel disease, or did they come with the onset of your symptoms?
- When did you notice that your mental health was taking a hit?
In this clip, Rasheed, Jenna and I discuss what can be done when someone with a mental health issue is not being taken seriously by the healthcare system and the importance of patient self-advocacy.
In this clip, Rasheed, Jenna and I discuss the mind body connection and how it relates to living with inflammatory bowel disease. We speak about the difficulty of separating the emotional and physical impacts of chronic illness, barriers in communication with medical professionals and how to practice self care in the midst of the 'vicious cycle' of illness.
In this clip, Rasheed, Jenna and I discuss the immense difficulties chronic and mental health patients face when trying to speak out about their experiences. We talk about how stigma, shame, guilt and isolation keeps patients silent. We then discuss how caregivers and medical professionals can best support us, and the importance of active listening.
In this clip, Rasheed, Jenna and I discuss the best ways for caregivers and medical professionals to lend support to those suffering from chronic and mental health challenges, the benefits of active listening skills and the value of patient advocates. We also speak about the overlooked vital role of the caregiver, and why it is so important for caregivers to seek support.
Jelly Belly
When I was seven years old, I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I was on chemotherapy for three years, from the ages of seven to ten years old. I should note here that I am incredibly fortunate. I was treated at one of the best children’s hospitals in the entire world. This diagnosis would have been a death sentence not too long ago.
Prednisone
One of the drugs that was part of my chemotherapy treatment is called prednisone. Prednisone is a synthetic corticosteroid. Corticosteroids have many effects on the body, but they are most often used for their potential anti-inflammatory effects, particularly in those diseases and conditions in which the immune system plays an important role.
Here is a list of a few of the many side effects and adverse effects of this (life-saving) drug:
Depression
Insomnia
Mood swings
Weight gain / ‘moon face’
High blood pressure
Muscle weakness
Nausea / vomiting
Impaired wound healing
Ulcers
Diabetes
Osteoporosis
Increased frequency and severity of infections
Retardation of growth in children
I was a young girl who was regularly taking a medication that made me unable to sleep, experience intense and frequent uncontrollable mood swings, and seemed to suppress my ability to feel full. I do not recall receiving any guidance or support in overcoming the emotional, psychological and spiritual challenges that this drug caused me over the years of my treatment.
Jelly Belly
Prednisone was only one of the medications used in my treatment plan to target the cancer cells. There was a little room I would go into where I would get what my family infamously called ‘the back needle’. I don’t need to go into detail about all the locations I received needles for you to get the idea that this process was difficult and scary. But the worst part for me was when they asked me to go on the scale.
My weight and height had to be tracked zealously. The nurses and doctors would make it abundantly clear: my height was too low and my weight was too high. I believed that I was to blame. In fact, there was a female oncologist at this hospital who had given me the nickname Jelly Belly. She probably thought it was funny and harmless. I felt an intense amount of self-disgust. I felt ashamed. I was so afraid. I couldn’t control my sadness or my grief or my fear. My life was spiralling out of control, and I believed that I had received the message loud and clear: if I lost weight, I would be good. I have always been a perfectionist with a deep desire to please those around me. I wanted to be a ‘good student’ at the hospital, and receive the message that I was finally an average height and weight. I was failing them, and I had to do better. I could not control my height, but there was something that I could control. I had to lose weight.
When Healthcare Leads to Suffering
When I look back on this story, it becomes abundantly clear how I developed an eating disorder by the age of eleven. I began carrying around a calorie book with me everywhere I went. I knew how many calories were in everything. The goal was to eat as few of them as possible.
At that point, the cancer treatment had ended. The long-lasting psychological toll it took was never addressed, as far as I can recall. When the emotional and mental health aspects of illness are not addressed, this can lead to immense suffering:
Here’s the thing about trauma: those who experience trauma do not allow themselves to forget. We re-traumatize ourselves over and over again. I was ten years old and my goal was zero calories per day. I was a hard-working perfectionist, and I became incredibly proficient at starving myself.