Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu ~ May All Beings Together Find Happiness.
🜁 ~ 🜂 ~ 🜃 ~🜄
Five years ago, I walked up the stairs and through the doors of Ahimsa Yoga Centre for the first time. I could never have imagined how that fateful encounter would change my life forever. I had a feeling Ahimsa was special right away, based on the open, welcoming and laid-back feeling the yoga studio evoked. There was a friendly and engaging conversation occurring by the front desk as my cousins and I asked if we could register for a class. We were greeted with an overflowing amount of warmth and kindness by the staff, teachers and fellow students. It felt like everyone was genuinely happy that we were there. I have never wanted to leave ever since.
I had just moved into a bachelor apartment a few blocks away from the yoga studio and was entering the second half of my 20’s at this time. Having just completed my studies, I was finding the transition from academics to “real life” difficult, to say the least. I had everything I needed to enter adulthood, or so it seemed. I was on the cusp of ‘‘success’’ from an outsider’s view: a loving family, boyfriend and Master’s degree under my belt, I seemed ready to take on the world. But the truth was very different: chronic physical and mental health issues were plaguing me daily. Unprocessed medical trauma that had been buried since my childhood was leaking out as a poison into all areas of my life. It left me terrified of my body. Mistrusting of my body. Hating my body. Needing a constant escape from my body.
I had been able to survive up to that point by ignoring my body and existing within the confines of my mind. In many ways, living merely in your head is rewarded in our society. I could sit for hours and write an essay or study for a test, followed by numbing out through watching mindless reality television. I could ignore the physical pain I was often experiencing and the constant state of terror I felt coursing through me. I could fuel my chronic anxiety into “productivity”. I was a “good girl”, and I was burned out. I was dying on the inside while smiling on the outside.
It is through our felt experience that we become in touch with the present moment. It is only in the present moment that we experience the pleasures of life: sexuality, creativity, laughter, joy, connection, love. I knew I wanted to experience these things, but had forgotten how to long ago. We do not learn how to live in a classroom or doctor’s office.
I needed teachers, and I found them at Ahimsa. I returned daily for years and practised feeling safe and connected to my body in the warm company of others doing the same. There was a level of care and compassion consistently felt at that studio. You could visibly see it in the way we all lingered before and after class. We all wanted to be there - to continue the conversation, to be together, to soak up the energy we had cultivated for as long as we could before venturing back into the rest of our lives.
At Ahimsa, I learned how much more we are than the roles we play. I sat on my mat beside esteemed academics, restauranteurs, business-people, actors… but we were all the same. Stripped of our titles and technology for a few sacred moments each day, we sweated and breathed and moved towards our personal intentions supported and held by the members of this inclusive modern tribe.
Human beings are simple in many ways: we want to be seen, to be understood, and to belong. As soon as I entered Ahimsa Yoga Centre, I felt an indescribable sense of belonging I had never felt before. Over the last five years, I was fortunate enough to assume many positions at the studio. I worked in the Energy Exchange program, I graduated from the Yogayama Yoga Teacher Training Program, I began teaching yoga at the studio and coordinated the Yogayama program for a time.
My time at the studio and in these various roles allowed me to learn skills and make connections that will last a lifetime, from friendships to creative collaborations that have given me the confidence to redefine what success looks like and live authentically according to my own values.
It was also within this space that a true miracle occurred: I slowly began to inhabit my body. I learned how to live at Ahimsa. I laughed, I cried, I conversed with others for hours about philosophy and the strange & beautiful human condition. I flirted, I danced, I embraced. I made friends that will last a lifetime. I felt pleasure and pain. I was seen and heard and loved for exactly who I was. I saw and heard and loved others in return. A messy metamorphosis was taking place: I crawled, toddled, walked, and finally, danced my way into adulthood. We were alive together.
🜁 ~ 🜂 ~ 🜃 ~🜄
To my teachers : Thank you. I hope to continue to learn from you for the years to come. Thank you for providing a safe space for me to learn to love myself. Thank you for providing endless hours of inspiration through the love with which you imbue your teachings. I aspire to offer my students a fraction of what you have gifted me.
To JP and Michelle Tamblyn-Sabo: Thank you. Thank you for creating and sustaining this sacred space with your blood, sweat, tears and magic. Thank you for the integrity that guided your leadership as you provided us with the support we needed to heal ourselves. Thank you for being my mentor, guide, teacher, shaman, guru and boss. Thank you for believing in me when I did not believe in myself. Thank you, most of all, for being my friend.
To the Ahimsa tribe: I see you, I hear you, I belong with you. May we continue to experience precious moments of life together, in whatever form they come, for the years to come.
Love always,
Montana